


(remember) the pact of our youth

by doriians



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Actor!Neil, Actors, Alternate Universe - Actors, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Writers, anyway, going to update these tags later bc im literally playing by ear, idk how to tag help, kind of??, probably mental health things mentioned later on, someone teach me how to tag, someone tell me to plan fics before i puBLISH them goddamnit, this is a sign im never going to finish this fic <3, uhhhh, writer!todd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28492872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doriians/pseuds/doriians
Summary: 31-year-old Neil Perry has made it in Hollywood, becoming a successful and well-known actor around the world, blocking out his past mistakes. However, when the casting director of a new movie asks him to be in a film written by his ex-boyfriend Todd Anderson, he is forced to confront his past again. Can he redeem himself, or is he still say the same person he was before?
Relationships: Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	(remember) the pact of our youth

**Author's Note:**

> heyy time for a chaptered fic im never going to finish i love you all
> 
> the title is from achilles come down, highly recommend listening to that and the beginning article is very much inspired by hollywood insider's "A Tribute to Chris Evans: The Rise and Journey of America’s Sweetheart and All-Round Good Human" written by armando brigham, sometimes even taking direct quotes from it so yeah im stupid lol
> 
> anyway enjoy lmao

**HOLLYWOOD INSIDER: A Tribute to Neil Perry: The Rise and Journey of America’s Sweetheart and All-Round Good Human** by Kasey Levine

The king of charisma and the handsome heart-throb, Neil Perry has had an interesting life that’s molded him into the actor he is today. Growing up in a pressured household as an only child, acting was the last thing on his mind. Or rather, it was supposed to be. However, after seeing an ad for a Midsummer's Night Dream in his high school, he decided to try out for the role of Puck, and he got his first acting experience. Audience members praised the local theatre play, but especially the stand out star that closed the play. However, fans were not expected to see their favourite actor until years later, after Perry ran away to New York as soon as he graduated from his high school.

Related article:  EVOLUTION: Every Neil Perry Role, Ranked by Neil Perry Himself 

Related article:  ‘A Starting Point’: Neil Perry is Excellently Defending Civilization in Real-Life 

However, it took him three years before he got his first coveted TV role in the small TV series "Growing Up", a comedy coming-of-age role that only became a cult classic years later. As Perry would later say, "it wasn't exactly highbrow art, but it was a bit of fun and an acting experience that completely changed my life". According to Perry, this was the role that convinced him to stay in acting and that he would make it his whole life, no matter the cost.

After finishing _Growing Up_ (or rather, after it got cancelled), it was difficult to find roles, finding himself in _Hallmark_ movie "A Barista Christmas Carol". As he later said, "This was the lowest part of my acting life. I was sure I wanted to stay in acting, but that's how I saw most of my career from then on. I didn't think I was worth anything more.".

A year later, Neil was cast in "Percent", a small and dark indie film focused around a child growing up in a family that constantly pressured him to do better. Critics praised the film and Perry's performance, calling it "thoughtful" and "unlike any of his previous work", a critic even saying "...[that] the world better watch out, as [we] will be expecting Perry on bigger screens]. Percent went on to win some Independent Spirit Awards, the first, but not last, award show Perry would attend.

It turns out that the critic was not wrong. After his work in _Percent_ , director Thierry Burnett specifically requested for Neil to star in his new film, "Rainboat".

Subscribe to _Hollywood Insider’s_ YouTube Channel, by clicking here. 

Although watchers of indie (and Hallmark) movies may have recognised him from previous films, _Rainboat_ was most of the world's introduction to Perry. It was his first major-budget Hollywood movie, alongside Ben Affleck, as well as Kieran Young, Avi Marsh and Hudson Andrews. Fans of Burnett's work and Affleck alike fell in love with the precocious protagonist Jaylen as he discovered the world after living on an island as a science experiment his whole life. As expected, _Rainboat_ was a box office hit, critics praising it for its masterful cinematography, directing and of course, acting. Despite featuring many prominent actors, it was clear that Perry was the standout star of _Rainboat_. Perry was nominated for his first award in the 2015 Academy Awards as Best Actor. When later asked to comment on it, Perry would state that it "...was all such a...blur. It was amazing [yet] terrifying, and something completely different...from [before]". The hiccups at the beginning of Perry's career may be the reason behind his charming and beloved humility and outstanding gratefulness, which has become a staple of his ultra lovable personality. 

Movie watchers were not to see Perry for two years, but when he returned, he certainly made an entrance with three major Hollywood movies in 2017. First, he was seen in the anticipated period drama "Manchester", as based on a 1960s sitcom. Perry's casting was met with much controversy as he played a character from Northern England, many questioning his accent. This Perry movie did not do as well as he would have liked, with mixed reviews on the script and his acting, and receiving the amount of money some would consider a "box office flop".

The next film was a movie with acting no one anticipated, especially after Perry in _Manchester_ . "Outmanned" featured Perry as a general in a dystopian war movie, and his phenomenal acting skills were on display again, slowly showing a man's breakdown as he watched his world gradually crumble apart. _Outmanned_ can almost be considered a solo movie, focusing around the grief of Perry's character. This is Miguel Amin's directing and Neil Perry's acting at its best. _Outmanned_ is a beautiful, deep and heartbreaking film that left audience members hanging with questions and despair.

This was not the last film we would see Perry in this year, with him trying his hand at another Christmas romcom, "Two of a Kind". For anyone who may be afraid to watch it after "A Barista Christmas Carol", there is no need to fret. _Two of a Kind_ is funny, beautiful and an instant Christmas modern classic. Like the main character Alys Ball (Lily James), we all fall in love with Neil Perry in Two of a Kind, an awkward, clumsy but well-meaning friend. For anyone who just needed some cliches at the end of 2017, _Two of a Kind_ was perfect.

_Two of a Kind_ and _Manchester_ were no award winners (although Perry did win a Charlie "Most Likely to be a Tory" and "Worst English Accent" for _Manchester_ in the Charles Williams Parody Awards, beating Dick van Dyke who had won it since the awards began), but _Outmanned_ was nominated for many Academy Awards, including Best Picture, and Perry won his first Oscar as Best Actor in a Leading Role, giving an emotional speech thanking everyone involved in the making of _Outmanned_.

WATCH NOW:  Neil Perry's Speech as Best Actor in a Leading Role | 2017 Academy Awards 

Suffice to say, the end of the 2010s were much better for Perry career-wise, being an exponential turning point and catapulting him to international success that only the best stars in the history of Hollywood have matched. Again, he featured as a general as a leading character in the 2018 Godzilla reboot, and, a year later, as a complete turn around, a drug-addict in the Apple TV drama mini-series “My Child”. Time and time again, Perry has proven his range and delivered his ability to act in several demanding roles.

During the 2020 lockdown, we were all blessed with the Netflix original “Prison Shell”, which is expected to be nominated in the Academy Awards with its excellent acting and beautiful cinematography. Perry has gained respect from film fans of all types, demonstrating his passion for acting in major studio funded projects and also indie, more artistic projects, adding to his well-known and respected versatility. 

Neil Perry has spent most of his entire career in front of the camera, with immense praise for his good looks and physique. As the thespian in him grows and matures, he found himself on the Broadway stage in the stage musical version of “Swing Kids” as Peter Muller, earning many praises from critics and fans of both the musical and the movie. Returning to Shakespeare, he has played Claudio from _Much Ado About Nothing_ , Brutus in _Julius Caesar_ and reprising the role that got him into acting in his teen years, Puck (as well as Lysander!) in _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ . He has also talked about being behind the camera, opening up about some of his ideas for any future films he may direct. Being his directorial debut, his first project will be expected to receive support and enthusiasm from his tens of millions of fans. He has also expressed interest in comedy standup, performing a parody standup on _The Tonight Show_ with fans encouraging him to do more. On a social level, he’s a sensation on Twitter, earning some of the most retweets and favorites from his over 14 million followers for always brutally honest, and oftentimes funny, tweets. 

With the 2010s being an incredibly successful decade for Perry, him being one of the biggest actors to spearhead cinema during those ten years, the 2020s are sure to look even better for the amazing and beloved star. We, at _Hollywood Insider,_ will continue to champion one of our favorite superstars Neil Perry. We respect you and we cheer you on.

* * *

A large burst of water suddenly flew up his nose, interrupting his peaceful slumber. Choking and coughing, Neil emerged from the bubbly water. Groaning, he wiped his hand attempting to wipe his hand on his towel to press the home button on his phone.

_10:53 AM_

He dried his body with his grey towel while wiping his eyes, attempting to not get the bubbles in it. Groggily, he opened the bathroom door, towel wrapped around his head. He really had to stop falling asleep in the bath - or really, having extravagant bubble baths as a “reward”. Upon reaching his bedroom, he slid the mirror door and got the first combination of shirt and pants he could reach. He had begun to try to find the most random and terrible assortment of clothing to annoy the paparazzis and avoid being on the front cover of magazines.

To be honest, Neil relished in celebrity photos - not because he was conceited, but he loved seeing how terrible and imperfect he looked in them. His fans found it endearing - or rather, they bullied him and mentioned him in the Cosmopolitan Twitter replies - but either way, he loved it. He always managed to look extremely unattractive in all of them. 

Sitting on the damp towel laid across his mustard couch, he began to scroll through his notifications, liking a few tweets that mentioned him, commenting below some fanart of himself. A notification flickered on the top of the screen.

**John Keating**

I can finally see you’re awake - how long did you sleep in?

Meet me at Gatsby’s ASAP 

Neil smiled and rolled his eyes, sitting up straight. He absolutely loved Keating. He had become more than his agent - he was probably Neil’s best friend, and the closest thing he had to a therapist and a father. Not only was he a great person to talk to, but he was brilliant at his job, finding and recommending the best roles to Neil. He quickly clicked on the message to reply.

_Fell asleep in the bath again LMAO oops_

_I’ll see you there_

Stretching and shaking his cramped legs, he began to make his way to the bedroom again. As much as he loved the paparazzi snapping a picture of him, he was probably going to have to find something better to wear out.

* * *

“Sorry I’m late.” Neil said, slipping into the chair opposite Keating.

Gatsy’s was a handsome cafe which Neil and Keating often frequented. Traditionally, it was where Keating would offer Neil a job, and was both a code and in-joke. Also, their burgers were pretty good.

Keating smiled. “It’s fine. I already ordered a burger for you.”

Neil’s face lit up. “No pickles?”

“No,” Keating replied, grabbing some cutlery for Neil, “what’s life without a few pickles?”

Neil rolled his eyes. “I’ve told you, Keating, I really don’t like pickles. Stop pushing your pickle agenda.”

Keating shrugged. “Well, you do deserve some sort of punishment for being late.”

Neil snorted, slinging his bag across the chair and shuffling in his seat. He gestured around the restaurant. “So, Gatsby’s. What’s this about?”

Keating’s face lit up and began to lean towards Neil, arms resting on the table. “Right. I have a really great job offer for you.”

Neil smiled. “Oh?”

“Yep,” Keating said, beginning to search through his bag, “the casting director contacted me directly and said that you were the team’s first choice for the main character. And I read the draft of the script - it’s really good. It’s written by the author of the book the movie was based on, and I can tell it’s going to be really good.”

“That’s - that’s great!” Neil said, face lighting up. Only once had the team of a movie thought of him when writing a movie, and that was five years ago. “Do I know the book?”

“Depends,” Keating said, slamming the thick script on the table. “Ever heard of Todd Anderson?”

Neil blinked, then froze. “Pardon?”

“Todd. Todd Anderson, the author.” Keating said.

Neil blinked again.

_“Nervous?” Neil asked, bringing out his hand._

_Todd turned to look at Neil. “More than I’ve ever been.”_

_Neil squeezed Todd’s hand, and kissed him softly._

_“It’s okay, baby. We’re going to be okay.”_

_The landlord smiled at them, red lipstick matching the slightly chipped red door. “Welcome to your apartment.”_

_Neil and Todd stepped inside. It was absolutely tiny, especially for two kids that grew up in relatively rich households. The dining table was in the kitchen, and the living room was the same size as the dining table. There were two rooms on the side, both without doorknobs._

_“That’s the bedroom, and that’s the bathroom. I’ll leave you two to set things up.” the landlord said, leaving and closing the door behind her, heels clicking against the floor._

_“It’s… homely.” Todd said, after a brief silence._

_Neil laughed, pulling Todd in a tight embrace. “I love it.”_

“- his books are really good, Neil, you should read them, he’s really well known among the book community- Neil? Earth to Neil?”

Neil blinked. “Yeah- yeah. Sorry. I was just thinking about where the name sounded familiar.”

Keating smiled, slightly confused, but still excited. “Maybe you’ve read his books-”

“Yeah, that sounds like it.” Neil said quickly, almost interrupting Keating. “I think I’ve read his books.”

“He’s good, right?” Keating said, enthusiastic.

Neil nodded. “Yeah, yeah, he’s really good.”

Not knowing what to add, Neil stayed silent, staring off into space. Keating took a deep breath. 

“So… are you doing it?” Keating asked.

“What?”

“The job, Neil.” Keating reminded him, getting slightly irritated. “Are you taking the job?”

“Oh- yeah! Of course, of course, I’ll take it.” Neil said, nodding and blinking without any thought.

“Good.” Keating said, beginning to get up. “We’ll be meeting the team tomorrow. I already booked it. I’ll be at your house at 7. No bubble baths, okay?”

Neil laughed. “No bubble baths. I’ll see you.”

Neil continued to sit there, staring into space, absently thanking the waiter who brought him his burger. He’ll be meeting the team tomorrow. Who will be there? Will Todd be there? Of course he will, he wrote the book and the script. A light fluttering in his heart filled him, but was soon replaced with a dull pang of hurt.

They haven’t seen each other in more than ten years.

_“I’ve waited and waited, and God knows, Neil, I’ve been patient, but I can’t fucking do this anymore. I can’t - I can’t stay in this place, paying all of the rent, the bills when I hardly have any money myself, while you sit there and watch TV using the fucking money I work all day to earn! Are you even listening to me?” Todd yelled._

_Neil looked at Todd, eyes glassy and looking straight through his boyfriend. He nodded._

_“God, Neil, please talk to me,” Todd said, almost begging and getting down on his knees to be eye-to-eye with Neil who was sitting on their lice-ridden couch. “Try to make this hard for me.”_

_Neil looked at Todd in the eye, making no response and holding back tears. “What do you want me to say?”_

_Todd exhaled and got up, walking towards the door. Before leaving, he turned back and looked. “I’m going to go for a walk.”_

_A loud slam at the door._

_Neil continued to lie on the couch, staring into the empty TV screen. “Goodbye, Todd.”_

* * *

Neil lay on his bed, staring at the white empty ceiling. He had wanted to decorate and paint the inside of the house, but he had never gotten around to it. For the past few years, he felt like he was on constant rotation, filming, promoting, looking through job offers. Even in the 2020 lockdown, he had spent so much time promoting films, being on social media and using his platform. Of course, he loved those things - he loved being an actor on set, and doing interviews with his costars, talking to his fans, being able to use his fame for good - but he wondered what it would be like to have some free time.

“I used up all my free time in 2008.” Neil said to himself, out loud. _When I shouldn’t have._

He spread his body across the empty bed. In all the four years he’s lived here, he’s not had anyone else sleep in the double bed. Months could go by with no one sleeping on the bed. He doesn’t know whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing. He keeps telling himself he’s changed, that he’s not the 19 year old who made his boyfriend leave him, but sometimes he felt like that still. He loved easily, too easily, with too much love to give, and then he only disappoints. He had tried people, tried relationships, but nothing and no one felt quite right. Every time he grows a bit older, he regrets taking things for granted in the past. If he could, he would slap his 19 year old self in the face and leave him for dead.

“I’ve changed,” he whispered, not fully convincing himself. “I’m different now.”


End file.
